And then Boots was gone...

I had heard rumor that there was a court date that day, so when the social worker called to catch up on the last week I asked about it. Some times they cannot tell you what is happening in court, and sometimes they invite you to come and if you want to say anything to the judge you can.

Usually I stick to questions like:

• What is being decided in court today, if anything?
• What major changes are subsequent of this decision?
• I know you cant predict what will happen, but how long do you think Boots (or Buttercup, Jellybean) will be with us?

She answered my questions as best she could- she said that it was an admit/deny case which usually doesn't have an effect on the kids, or the duration of their stay. She also said that we would have Boots for AT LEAST 3 months, because both parties involved in custody had some things to prove to the court.

.....cut to later that day when I was walking out of work with a missed call and a message "please call me back as soon as possible." I called her back right away and she was standing with dad at the courthouse telling me that Boots was going home today- she even sounded a bit confused about the situation. So we had approximately 45 minutes for me to race home, pack up all Boots' stuff and say goodbye before his Dad and grandma Picked him up. I was just relieved that Roman was already at home and got to say goodbye- he never got the chance with Jellybean. 

Boots was VERY excited - he was running around asking if each car was Daddy. It was adorable. We got all his stuff in suitcases and bags and sat in the front yard waiting. Grandma and Dad were living the best day of their life, and Boots was so happy to go home. I sent his namesake Boots home with him along with the dozens of carrot zucchini muffins I had baked the weekend before. There were hugs all around and we waved as they pulled away. 

You never can predict how things will go- even if you are a professional. 

Mickey- As Good as Gold

Picky tots are hard to feed.

Me: "take a bite"
Boots: "no!"

.....ok well I'm not a mamma bird so......


I slowly figured out that if the food is muffin shaped, has the consistency of yogurt, or is hot dog/nugget shaped he will probably eat it. I've been hiding zucchini, spinach and carrots in many things. Preschool said he only eats things that are sweet. Each meal time turned into a small torture session. "if you eat your sweet potatoes you can have more juice" (jokes on him it was fruit and veggie juice. "take a bite of apple and you can be done"



I got tired of arguing, and I don't want to give him food issues in the future so I had to find a way to get him to mindlessly eat (sorry Kathy) so we could sneak in some healthy stuff. OF COURSE! Mickey. I didn't know Mickey could be such an addiction. I don't love mindless eating, or excessive screen time but I was out of choices. We have this act down to a well choreographed dance now. I play you-tube Mickey videos, and pause them every 30 seconds or so and Boots takes a bite before I can turn it back on. I don't even have to say "take a bite" anymore he just takes a bite and I turn it back on.

First Mom Visit

Now, this is he first case we have had with two active, invested parents. Both have supervised visits at this point, and the circumstances of removal include chemical abuse, and mental health. When the social worker was telling us all about his situation she sounded surprised when she said "Both his parents are very nice". This struck me as odd since she has been a social worker for quite some time.

One of the biggest things I've learned from foster care is that the stories of removal make the parents sound like monsters, something of a horror films. But in real life, these parents are just regular people, doing the best they can with the situation at hand. Now before you get your undies in a bunch, of course horrible things happen and that's why the children get removed, but humans are human, we all make mistakes and make regret-able choices. Imagine the government walking in your door the same moment you are having a tough parenting moment. Everyone is a few decisions away from disaster.



Boots' case is gaining extra empathy from social workers, and myself. I think this is because unlike our past cases involving chemical dependence, getting a DWI with a child in the car, and physical abuse, the mental health issues surrounding Boot's case isn't a choice. (note: I recognize that addiction isn't a choice either but putting kids lives in danger while under the influence IS a choice).

So visit with mom:
She met us with such an attitude of gratitude that it took me aback. My first parent meetings in other cases were met with a little more hostility and skepticism , until I earned their trust and they saw that all I wanted was the best for their child. Boots' mom was so sweet and grateful for us to take him in. It was heartbreaking having to take Boots out of her arms. he was out of sorts the rest of the night, and even woke up several times just broken hearted. No one chose this. But we are all in it.

Boots: The Stickiest Kid Alive.

I'm not exaggerating to prove a point. As many of you know I have met a lot of Two-year-olds in my time as a preschool teacher, and this is our second in terms of fostering.  I have never seen sticky quite like this before. Boots has no fear/aversion to water, mess or other sticky things like eating baked beans with just his hands etc...



Gardening:
Planting gardens with tots is a dirty job, but none that I have seen have ever gone ahead to make dirt angels in the freshly flipped soil. LOL what are you gonna do other than just laugh. He also had a great time busting up dirt clumps and putting them on his head.

Roman was watering the garden on one of the few dry days we have had recently. Boots ran in front o the hose fully clothed and stood there "Squirt me in the face!!!" he would run away, roll in the mud a little and come back for more. We had a great time laughing at that.

I'm not sure why white clothes are made for children at all, but my grandma once said its SO you can bleach them. I'm not sure how well that will work but Boots was wearing this new shirt as we walked into preschool. They were already playing with blue slime. I just thought as I left, well that shirt will never be the same. He did look very himself happy, and sticky!

Boots

We have a new placement! For privacy reasons he will be called Boots. He is 2 1/2 years old, very sweet, and he loves Mickey.



The last few placements came with a feeling of overwhelming "what the hell are we doing again???" but when Boots arrived, we didn't feel a giant shift within our world, or the big overwhelming feelings. It felt very.... normal. Maybe its because Boots is our third, and we had Jellybean so we know what a 2 year old boy entails, or maybe we are too used to feeling out of our comfort zones.

Since we just moved into a house the only thing we were concerned about was kid proofing the house and figuring out how to parent when the bedroom isn't on the other side of the wall. We installed 3 baby gates, and it turns out that they all kind of suck, and will not be kid proof for long. Boots is very good at knobs and locks and things.

Boots is so adorable, chatty and loving that he won over his social workers in a big way. Not to say that they have favorites but.... They paid a special visit to our home to make sure we were a good fit and family for him. In our experience, that has never happened before.

Reunification is highly likely in this case, so we are just enjoying all the time we can with our cuddly little boots while we have him.

Judges, Social workers, Patience

We had a very exciting few weeks this winter where we thought we might get a placement that would end in adoption. Our social worker, and one of our past kids' social workers were trying to get us this placement- they were excited that we are a permanency option.

This child has a sibling that has already been adopted and the parents' rights have already been terminated. So we got mentally ready, we received pictures from the social workers of him. We prepared the room for his age and then we waited.


for a week,




and a month




and a few more weeks.




and then I sent our social worker to find some information for us. It turns out during their last search of relatives that would be willing to take him in there were some takers. So they are sorting through and investigating the eligibility of these family members to provide a home.

If this placement ends up with family- that is great!