Trauma and Mental Health

Last night we took a class about Childrens’ Mental Health. It was a very interesting three-hour class covering all the mental health issues likely to be paired with trauma. I only took 7 pages of notes! We all know about Fight or Flight instincts, but there’s a Freeze instinct too. In short; trauma causes these instincts to always be activated, so those tiny bodies are trying to deal with all the extra hormones and adrenaline that come with Fight, Flight, or Freeze reactions. There are a lot of anxiety, manic and depressive disorders that go hand in hand with trauma.

 The most interesting thing we got out of the class is the importance of asking the right questions. Instead of asking yourself “WHY is this child behaving like this?” it’s more important to ask “WHAT HAS HAPPENED to this child that makes them behave like this?”.

All behaviors have a purpose:
1) To gain control
2) to get attention
3) to get revenge
4) proving inadequacy

It was emphasized in the class that it’s not about us as foster parents. It’s about the child and their lack of ability to communicate with you and/or trust adults in general. Most behaviors are a way to cover or hide pain and vulnerability. Really, it’s all just having the empathy and understanding to look at the world through their lenses of distrust and trauma.

Here is a video created by an adult looking through her eyes at her foster experience (it ends well) 

I Survived!

Yesterday we went to a three-hour training about car seats. Stating this to friends and family usually prompted the response "three hours!?"  I can now say with certainty that yes, one can discuss car seats for three hours.

There were a lot of materials, and demonstrations as well as watching many crash test dummies try and survive car safety testing. With an age range of 2-8, we have a lot of options and possible requirements. If a child like Roman or myself gets placed with us, they will likely have to be in a booster seat until they take drivers ed, we are a very small people. If a tall child gets placed with us we may only need a booster seat for a short time.


One of the best parts was that my Mom attended. When we learned about Sudden infant death syndrome and how to prevent it, I leaned over and said: "I survived!". She in turn also rejoiced when she found out she survived 1960's style car seats- which are basically just a mechanism for containing a child, and allowing them to be high enough to see out the window. Point being, safety and "the right way to parent" are always changing, but most of us survive!


Two major takeaways: 

1. Kids are pumpkin headed
2. It's actually important to read manuals

Mostly what we learned was from the people attending the training with us. It is really important to just let the teacher speak. There were several people that were interrupting, and overreacting to the teaching material. The Instructor had been teaching this subject for 17 years, he was informative and funny, and his presentation was memorized- Just let him talk- you are just slowing down the already long process.  If you want to teach the class, get certified, and teach your own class.

I Am

Speaking with friends and family the past few weeks about turning 30, and what that entails is quite interesting. It has made me realize that this point of life is the first time that I am not about to do, or about to be something. I am.

I Am not about to 

 I just Am

I Am a college graduate

 I Am a career woman

 I Am a wife

I Am and activist

 I Am 

My twenties were so full of pressure and pull to plan to be something, plan to go to school, plan to find the one, plan to find a career, a home, or plan to adopt pets. Now,  being where I am, I feel like I can finally look around and appreciate where I am instead of blindly and fervently planning my next degree, career move, or significant milestone. 

The Big 3-0

All year I have been really excited to turn thirty- Finally! Some "legitimate" age to tell people when they undershoot- something that screams "IMA GROWN UP! take me seriously please! :)"

My family threw me a nice party and invited some friends- It was a good time until we played charades! I had answered some random questions earlier in the week and My favorite books, movies, and places got turned into charade topics. Watching your family and friends try and act out Ferris Bueller's day off, One Thousand White Women, or Fort Bragg California is pretty great.

I've come up with some good and fun goals for the future, always a fun task!

1. Live in a Treehouse
2. Get some Chickens
3. Visit Iceland
4. Get longer legs, or stilts
5. Swim in all the seas- 3 to go
6. Foster kids
7. Adopt kids
8. Road trip to more states -28 left

Let The Fun Begin!

If you haven't heard yet, Roman and I have decided to become Foster Parents with the intention of adopting. We are both really excited! Getting ready and slowly making our way through the process is exciting, terrifying and fun. We started collecting books a while ago- its always fun to have something to search for at good will. We have found some good collectables - adding to my Jan Brett collection!

Teaching preschool has certainly prepared me for this task! I have a whole list of my favorite books from story times, and a pretty keen sense of what kids will like to hear. Since we don't actually know anything specific about our future child we've been curating a collection of books that have themes of inclusivity, love, adoption, and be yourself attitudes, as well as diverse characters. For fun there are also a variety of science based books, and my favorites from childhood.

Old Favorites 
Miss Rumphius  By Barbra Cooney
The Quilt Story By Tony Johnston
The Paper Bag Princess By Robert Munsch
Girls to the Rescue By Bruce Lansky
Roman's childhood book of poems 


New Finds
Caps For Sale By Esphyr Slobodkina
The Hippo-Not-Amus By Tony and Jan Payne
Even Monsters Need Haircuts By Matthew McElligott
The Weaving of a Dream By Marilee Heyer
Alejandro's Gift By Richard E Albert
Goggles! By Ezra Jack Keats

Along with these we have many kids books in Slovak (so I can learn and practice) as well as The Chronicles of Narnia, Little House on the Prairie, and two full sets of Harry Potter (English, and Slovak).

Other Books on our 'Wishlist'
Click Clack Moo
Dragons Love Tacos
Snowmen At Night
Giraffes Can't Dance
Rosie Revere: Engineer
Violet the Pilot
Ada Twist: Scientist
A Mother for Choco
Llama Llama (Roman gets mad when books don't rhyme)
Before You Were Mine
Love Makes A Family
The Snowy Day (or anything by Ezra Jack Keats) 

here is a link to more foster care oriented children's books
Please let us know your favorite kids books in the comments!

The Inaugural Voyage of the First Mate

After Millie had discovered that she like water- despite Fred’s distain, the humans took them on a boating adventure. This was the first time Millie had been in a boat, and she did not know what to do as the First Mate. Captain Fred had to teach her along the way. The boat set sail, both humans were paddling, Captain Fred was overseeing his crew from the center, and First Mate Millie was trying her hardest to abandon ship. The waters were rough, and she hadn’t learned about buoyancy.

One of the humans held her in the boat. Millie tried with all her strength and might to get out of the grasps of the human and into the water. She successfully abandoned ship twice- being hauled back in by the strap on her life jacket before she saw Fred- calm, regal, anticipating adventure.

First Mate Millie Calmed down- now wet from her plunges into the rough seas, and began to enjoy the voyage. She sat out on the bow hunting flies, and watching fish. Captain Fred and First Mate Millie 

The Adventures of Fred and Millie

I wrote this story a while ago right after we got Millie, hope you like it!

Once upon a time there was a little puppy named Fred lost in the wilderness of Tennessee. One day a Human found him and took him on a long car ride to a house. The house had some small humans, and some dog friends for Fred to play with. A few days later two humans came to pet Fred, and they took him to their house to be a part of their pack.

He became the king of the castle. He ate big cakes and turkey legs every day, and spent a lot of time taking naps in his giant bed, or on the fluffy couch. He had fun looking out over his kingdom and growling at the bunnies eating clover below him. Fred was happy with his new humans. He learned how to captain a ship, and how to swim- although he didn’t really like getting his ears wet.  And of course, the humans took Fred on his favorite adventures- camping!

After a while Fred became very lonely. He missed having other four legged friends to talk to when his Humans were gone, and he needed some help- because humans are very hard to keep in a Herd. They are always running away- so frustrating!

One day at the dog park Fred met a friend named Millie. She was long and short like Fred but she looked different! Her fur was very fluffy and her tail was very long but they both had tiger stripes. After a short car ride- Fred and Millie were riding together. At first Fred was sad that he had to share his car, his bed, and his humans. After a few days Fred realized that Millie was going to be a part of their pack for a long time. He was so happy to have someone to lead, and Millie was happy to have an alpha to teach her that Humans were good- they have all the treats after all.

Fred and Millie became best friends and spend their days herding humans. Fred taught Millie how to be First Mate of the boat, and Millie taught Fred that thunder and fireworks aren’t something to be so afraid of. They live happily ever after as a new pack hunting rabbits, sailing, and prancing through the tall grass.