Back on the Placement list

Buttercup is home, she sounds like she's having fun and doing pretty well- she called to tell me all about her tooth that is loose. We will still get to see her occasionally when her mom needs to work to make up for a non- school day.



Roman and I gave ourselves a two-week break- we are ready for Christmas, and back on the placement list again. It's always exciting to think about what will happen next, but it is hard to plan around. In between Jellybean and Buttercup, we were on the list for six months, and I was living every day as if we would have a kid at the end of the day. This time I'm older and wiser- it's too exhausting to do that.

Lessons From Buttercup

It's amazing the things that need explaining, that you never thought you'd have to explain to anyone.

-Don't eat turkey off the bus floor
-You don't need to say "hi" to everyone who passes our car (parked downtown)
-How to walk up a hill (for sledding)

Since Buttercup does well with logic- in the right mood- and lists we narrowed down some good rules for different occasions.

When something is too hard 
1. Try Again
2. Ask for help
3. Have a hissy fit (not a good choice but you gotta do what you gotta do - even as an adult)

Rules for having a good day at school 
1. Listen to your teachers ALLLL day - even if you don't want to (with Pocahontas motion on the 'all')

2. Keep your body to yourself - don't kick or hit anyone for any reason
3. ONLY food and your toothbrush go in your mouth (although she just says "don't eat poison or pointy things" both of which she has done)

What "common sense" idea did you have to teach a kid?

Foster care- how its supposed to work

It's all working out for the best

It's our last week with Buttercup. This transition/end is much easier than last time for sure. Since buttercup is older, she gets time to prep mentally, and we have a reunification countdown calendar at the house so she knows exactly what is happening when.



Last time, we got a few hours notice before a social worker picked up jellybean and took him away forever- Roman didn't even get home in time to say goodbye.


Things are so different this time! We have built a good relationship with Buttercups mom, and she has asked us to stay in touch, and if we could be their emergency contact- OF COURSE! We are excited about their reunification- they both have waited for this for so long and worked hard to get to this point.

Her humor and charm will certainly be missed by our entire family- but it's not goodbye- its see ya later!

TRANSITIONS

The transition to reunification for Buttercup has begun. During our vacation, the adults involved were busy making a decision in court.  Since Buttercups Mom is doing great on her court-mandated classes, and always shows up for visits, and is taking part in Buttercups life, she has been granted weekend visits, meaning starting immediately, Buttercup will be gone Friday afternoon-Sunday afternoon.

Of course, there is a lot of mixed feelings about this transition, but mostly I am excited for buttercup and her mom. they have been apart for 10 months and they just belong together- who am I to get in the way. Also, this brings back my feeling of being only a disciplinarian without being able to have the fun times of the weekend (especially with all our issues with school). We are excited about her transition home, and how that will open our home up for another tiny person.



When we were on the way to Buttercups first overnight, I looked into the back seat to see a teary-eyed little one scared to spend the night at her moms. We talked all about how Her mom has to follow the same rules of our house, and it's going to be a safe place for her now. I wasn't really expecting it to be hard for Buttercup because she doesn't want to leave her mom at the end of visits to go with me.

Anyway, it turned out well- we sent her some pictures of Big Joe (the frog) and the dogs in her bed keeping guard of her room while she was gone. Her mom said that she got a kick out of them.

update: of course now she's too excited to go with mom, and only tears to come back to our house...

Duluth Adventure!

Day One: 

We drove up to Duluth, Singing, and playing the Alphabet game the whole time. We stopped at the scenic overlook to see all the things we would see, and the places we would go. Climbing on the rocks on the shore was really scary for buttercup at first, but with help and later got the confidence to start figuring it out on her own. We looked for treasures (sticks and feathers) and mermaid tears (sea glass).

We checked into the hotel- which was a little confusing for her because she thought we lived here now, and was worried about the dogs (who we left at home). We headed down to the pool with a flamingo toy and a life jacket, she played on the stairs and eventually got into the water. with lots of screaming Roman and I taught her how to scootch along the wall with your hands. After we taught her, she ended up scootching all the way around the pool on her own as we watched from the hot tub.

I had her keep a "journal" and draw something we that day each evening:

 Day Two: 

This was a full day! We went to the Aquarium, saw scuba divers feeding sturgeons, pet moon jellies and read all about fish- and played with the awesome lock and dam models of the lakes. In the afternoon we went to the library to kill time before the train ride.




We played in the pool again, she learned she could touch the bottom where the stairs ended



Day Three:

We drove up the shore, stopping at almost every pit stop to look for treasures, and throw rocks in the lake. We walked on the breakwater in Two harbors, ate lunch at Betty's  Pies, ran around at Gooseberry and hiked on the knife river. Ultimately, we raced one of the ships from two harbors, to the bridge to watch it go under. One of the crew members was wearing giant foam hands- better for waving.



I put on my swim teacher hat, and as she cried and panicked sang songs about fish while I held her on her back and taught her to kick. She had her head on my shoulder and we were cheek to cheek but she was so distraught she couldn't feel it. she ended up blowing nose bubbles in the water all on her own later.


Day Four: 

Our final day, we hung out in the hotel until checkout- we had to get our morning swim in. She had a few other kids to play with and she discovered she could touch in a lot more places than she thought. we were essentially playing fetch with a rubber ducky, and another child. she ended up swimming around without realizing it- and telling us how brave and strong she was. It was great! We took a harbor tour on a boat before we left town.




the weather was perfect for Duluth fall, we were there just past peak leaves, and we overdressed bringing our winter coats, hat mittens, and long underwear- but id rather be overdressed than underdressed!

The Crown Of Rightness

Roman and I, just for fun, have a running joke that if one person is wrong and the other is right, the wrong person has to give up their crown, and put it on the others head. Of course, it's invisible. and there is only one crown of rightness.



Well, miss observant Buttercup picked up on this little joke of ours and wants in. She doesn't totally get the rules- that one person has to be wrong, one person has to be right, but that's ok. When she is right she gets to take one of our crowns or one of the dogs' crowns. BUT she will also give you (probably one of the dogs' crowns) if she deems you "Absolutely right!".

Rollerskating

It had been a long week for both of us and I was just looking to have some fun and blow off a little steam. I hear the Roller Rink in St. Louis Park was cool so I decided- that's just what we need, a surprise night of fun and activity- its been so rainy.

I go to meet Buttercup at the bus stop and tell her we are going on a surprise adventure. Everyone was excited. We pulled up to the building with the rollerskating dinosaur painted on the front and walked in. She loved the lights, loved the music, and we got our skates on. Time to start.



In my mind, I didn't see her not knowing how to skate as a big issue. Skating was easier than the bike situation right? and kids learn this stuff all the time. Wrong. We started off on the wall together- Instant tears and "I can't do this". we inch around the half - wall trying to get used to the skates. I tried to stay positive and encouraging but 20min in, after I said "turn of your tears, put your brave face on - This is fun!!!" enough times to make me want to punch myself, and halfway around our first lap I was thinking that this was a terrible idea, and its just making everything works, and its not fun at all.



Minutes later, she was falling over and laughing. A man in a leisure suit and a mustache- must have been there since the 70's, skated over and asked if it was our first time and if we'd like some tips. YES! so he said to keep your feet in a V (backward from downhill skiing) and take tiny steps and practice on the strip of carpet first. DOH! of course.... practice on the carpet. Thanks, Mr!



Soon enough she was jazzed about her own success in learning to skate around. and I was jazzed that she felt success so quickly!

Being Little is Really Hard

Transitioning into kindergarten has been ROUGH for everyone. We are now past the point of "normal' adjusting and acclamation and into- how is Buttercup not understanding how to be around other kids?



Right now, we count it as a good day if I don't get a call from the school.

Keep your hands to yourself
This one we have been working on for a while. I don't know what it is but if people are too close, or accidentally touch Buttercup, she overreacts thinking that they hit her first. We are also working on the basic laws of physics, no it's not my fault you ran into the glass door because you weren't paying attention, I'm not even near you- I'm already halfway to the car.


Don't eat things off the floor
I thought this phase generally was over when toddlers become kindergarteners, but now. Turkey off the bus floor, fertilizer beads off the sidewalk and tacks off the classroom floor are just a few of the things Buttercup has put in her mouth recently. That's leaving off all of the non-dangerous items like sleeves, t-shirt necks, fingers, and toys.

The turkey come back is a handy one to keep in your back pocket. For example: "you ate turkey off the bus floor, you can finish your oatmeal" LOL



Listen to your teachers the first time- all day
Getting sick of hearing yourself say "take another bite" or "brush your teeth" 15 times in a row is not the only reason to reinforce listening. Since Buttercup loves learning new words we are working on Immediately. Listen to the teacher the first time, all the time. If other kids are lining up, you line up. If other kids are sitting quietly, you sit quietly. It seems simple but when you don't care too much about whats happening around you, or what other people are doing it is really difficult.


There is no question that Buttercup is a smart and sweet kid. with all our hard work this summer she is ahead in many aspects. Just finding a new balance to the week, and getting used to being around 17 kids all the time in a very structured environment is so tough!

KINDERGARTEN!

The first week of school came and went so fast! For kindergarten, it was just a three day week but there was a lot going on.

1. they label all the kids so well! backpack tags, name tags, and 'new kindergartener badges
2. Riding the bus is really fun, sometimes someone has to holler so she gets off
3. What did you do today? "nothing" is just a reflex response, not a learned teenager thing as I thought.


Day one:
We Buttercups backpack was empty- and that didn't seem right so i put an apple in it only to get an email from the teacher later. She very politely asked us not to pack snacks because the apple caused quite a commotion- SORRY! I can totally see it now. Buttercup eats so slow we were worried she wouldn't be able to eat lunch, and sure enough, she got off thebus sucking on the core of the apple asking for a snack


Day two:
On the way home from work I got a call from the school - from something like student body health counselor or something (?) saying that Buttercup got sent to the office for not listening. I was not surprised, the counselor also said that Buttercup was telling her all about how she is new to Minnesota because she moved here from California....... which made me laugh because it's absolutely false. Upon retrieval from the bus, Buttercup says "look I got stickers from Mrs. Fox!" I asked her why she went to Mrs. Fox's office and she said: "Um, duh, to get stickers." OOOHhhkay, no.

Day three:
Buttercup turned it all the way around and brought home a PAWS ticket for being respectful and kind.

We will see how the next week goes :D

Mermaids, Wizards, and Fairies- OH MY!

We made it to the renaissance festival!

To see as much as we could, we got there at opening- so we could see the king talk, and the jokers and be with the excitement of the crowd before the gates open. Buttercup was really excited on the walk to the castle- but there was a little too much weird for her in that crowd, next time I think we will skip that part. Of course, we had her wear her wings so she could fit in with the fairies.



We walked around, saw the petting zoo, and all the people's costumes before we settled down at the robin hood show. She was really into it and ended up going to sit in the front "so she could get splashed". After the show, we ran into a blue wizard, he gave Buttercup a dragon's tear! Apparently, it contains very powerful magic. she wore the necklace until the thread broke but its now safe in her treasure box.

We got some bratwursts and a blooming onion and had a water break before we went to the fairy forest. This whole area is great! there are dragon eggs, an eye spy amount of fairy houses hidden in the woods, there were BUBBLES! and fairies splashing around in the ponds. she even got a fairy stone (the origin of fairy dust) from one of her fellow fairies.



Next, we found ourself surrounded by a parade! we got to watch it two times! then we found all the princesses, learned how to cross stitch with yarn on burlap, and listened to mermaid story time- I was wondering how the mermaid would appear, and I was not disappointed- a servant man to the princesses carried the mermaid over from the pond.


At this point, everyone was very hot and tired, and I was dehydrated from sharing my water. we decided to just go see the mermaids and then start the epic quest to the car. The mermaid area was very exciting! we got squirted by a playful one, got to take a picture with another, and there was one blowing heart bubbles at Buttercup! very exciting! and TOTALLY real!


As usual, the walk back to the car took ages, and Buttercup was telling us she was hot and tired, and her legs hurt- but she stopped whining after I told her the secret: ALL of us are hot and tired and thirsty with sore legs! she had a great nap on the way home, we all had a great time even though we had to call it quits before seeing the jousting, or the Washer Women or other shows. Next time I might pick a cooler day, skip the opening, and bring more snacks in the backpack

S-U-N-D-A-Y

Once upon a time, my brother did and in my opinion- didn't get an appropriate consequence. My mom said "If I grounded him, it would just be punishing myself" - I'm certain that is absolutely true. This weekend as a consequence for buttercup I certainly tortured myself.

All I was asking was what day of the week it is. We caught up on letters, numbers, and spelling- now we are working on days of the week. It was absolutely pulling teeth to get any kind of answer. I know she knows them. I KNOW SHE DOES! She silently pointed to Sunday on the calendar finally.


Me: "ok, what day is it today?"
Buttercup: silence
Me: "point to today on the calendar"
Buttercup: points to the correct day
Me: ok "what letter does that start with?"
Buttercup:  "S"
Me:  Great! what day of the week starts with S?"
Buttercup: "Tuesday"
Me:  "nope, Tuesday starts with a 't-t-t' sound what days start with 'sssss'?"
Buttercup:  "Tuesday"

so we wrote Sunday out, she traced my letters she wrote her own letters. then we started again

Me: "ok, what day is it today?"
Buttercup: silence
Me: "point to today on the calendar"
Buttercup: points to the correct day
Me: ok "what letter does that start with?"
Buttercup:  "S"
Me:  "Super! what day of the week starts with S?"
Buttercup: "Tuesday" now grinning ear to ear. knowing its the totally wrong answer.



We jumped all around singing/chanting about how its Sunday- I made her scream out the door trying to wake up her friend Isaiah across the street "SUNDAY  SUNDAY SUNDAY! its a visit day!" AGAIN...

Me: "ok, what day is it today?"
Buttercup: points to the correct day
Me: ok "what letter does that start with?"
Buttercup:  "S"
Me:  "Good job! what day of the week starts with S?"
Buttercup: "Tuesday"


I could have let it go. But I couldn't- she was trolling me so hard!  So I downloaded a days of the week song we listened to it on repeat all the way to Roman's work and alllll the way back home, then while we practiced writing days of the week at home. The song was mind-numbingly dull and irritating- but I figured, the more annoying, the better she might catch on right?? 45 minutes after we began listening to the song she stops and says "wait..... did they just say Sunday??"

After her visit, and picking up Roman, he asked her "what day is it today?"

Buttercup: [enthousiastically] "Tuesday!"

St Croix State Park Camping!

Playing Outside
After the sugar rush from the strawberry milk, we arrived at the campsite. Buttercup was very confused about what we were planning on doing but was taking it in stride. As we started setting up the tent Fred got so excited- he loves going in and out of the tent, and Millie was thinking "finally, I get to sleep outside like the real animals"

As the words of my parents continued to fly out of my mouth as we were setting up camp, we realized that she had no idea how to play outside. Each time we said, "this job is for grown-ups, please go play" she would wanter away and shrug at the campsite itself wondering what "play" meant when there isn't a play area or toys. She eventually figured out that the bush was a pretty good fort/play kitchen, and digging for treasure in the sand pit is pretty fun. She made a pretty delicious pinecone soup.

How do the smallest things take up the most space?

Bugs and Blooms
We attended a ranger program, and it was really great! It was packed with kids, and they played games learning what foods need pollinators, and what kind of animals are pollinators, made a butterfly craft, and went on a bug hunt. There was also a very intricate bee and flower costume that some kids got to wear during the program.



Pinterest Fails
From a quick search on Pinterest, I got a few ideas of activities to do while camping. One of them was Camping bingo- but we used it as a scavenger hunt. Had I looked more carefully I could have come up with a much better list, but I didn't, so we looked for a raccoon, and a hotdog on a stick, and some other things for a long time. We even ended up asking some of our neighbors if they brought their pet raccoon camping with them. Unfortunately, they did not.



Trail of Tears
We brought the bike.  The map said there were bike trails, and there was, the one we wanted to do was not paved, and not training wheel compliant. We did a different trail into the deep swampy woods. Someone couldn't keep it together. Buttercup had a total meltdown about the bike and we ended up just standing in the woods being eaten alive, waiting for Buttercup to make a choice of
 1. Start pedaling
 2. Get off and push the bike
she chose #2, but she took the smallest slowest steps I've ever seen in my life. It was the longest two miles. We all survived, barely.


Almost a Whole Hike
We went on a short hike, the plan was to do a 4ish mile hike. Roman and I started the MN state park hiking club, so we wanted to get the password for St. Croix state park. Buttercup did really well we took turns being the leader. Unfortunately, there was a thunderstorm on the horizon and we had to turn around before we got to the scenic part. We shouldn't have turned around, later I figured out we were .1 mile from the password!


What I Would Do Differently Next Time

• Pick a campground that has a playground, the one here was 5 miles away
• Leave the bike- at home. forever. 
• Bring more snacks

The Feelings Doctor

Per the Social Worker, Buttercup and I went to the feelings doctor (aka therapist). We just had an intake evaluation, and a meeting about the plan of action we will take, but I already feel so much better about her progress in our home and her behaviors. 

Buttercup had some intense dreams a month before our appointments, so I told her that we were going to the Doctor of feelings and she could tell them all about her scary dreams, and they would make her feel better. That totally jived with her, for a week or two she was telling all her friends that she was going to the Doctor for feelings. 

How I imagined the "Doctor of feelings": 

The appointment itself was mostly Buttercup playing with different toys, and me filling out questionnaires and talking to the therapist about what some of her issues and behaviors are and how we deal with them at home. It was really reassuring to have someone else see what I see, and tell us that we are reacting the correct way, and dealing with it well. It's always great when you can have someone else confirm that you are not crazy!

"Swimming"

Life skills are really important and we have a limited amount of time to teach them to Buttercup. We tried biking, showering, and are working on reading and writing- its summer in Minnesota! Time to try swimming! 

It was a lovely day! Roman had the afternoon off so we made plans to hit the local lake and try swimming! The beach was hoping- everyone is here! Equipt with a snug life jacket, a noodle, Buttercups brave face, and two adults we headed into the water. 

ANKLE DEEP: Buttercups brave face was gone, she was very wary of what is happening and she was looking around at other kids to see what the appropriate response is.

KNEE DEEP: Looking very worried, we approached the first buoy line, not wanting to go under it but complying to our coos of "its okay, were next to you, you can touch!" 

HIP DEEP: Buttercup is NOT ok, she needs to hold a hand and asks to be carried I get her to take a few more steps before she climbs on my back. 

CHEST DEEP: Whimpering on my back, I swing Buttercup's feet back and forth to splash a little and try and prove that this is fun. I slowly knelt on the bottom - she can still touch here, but she doesn't believe me and will stretch her feet out, she is a boa constrictor on my person. 

She eventually scampered up Roman- because he's taller and we walked a little deeper. I tried all of my swimming lesson teaching tricks to try and stop the crying and the fear face. We didn't let go, she was floating around physically just fine, but emotionally a total wreck. 

We tried to get her to go back and forth between us while we stood about 3 feet apart, and she switched between screaming bloody murder, and hysterical laughter- it was a very intense game of child catch. I wanted so badly to just bounce underwater like we do in swim lessons with kids but I used all my mental strength left to not further traumatize buttercup- BUT I REALLY wanted to!!

We tried for a while to get her comfortable in the water but it just wasn't happening- we had to call it quits for the sake of people on the beach calling the cops on us - it sounded like we were torturing her. But I'll reiterate- she had a life jacket on and was clinging to a pool noodle. 

We went back to the beach pausing when she could touch to have her walk herself in, she begrudgingly stretched out her feet to touch the bottom after much coercion, and then stood frozen in the water while Roman and I continued walking. 

Another problem arose when we got to the buoy! I could see her thinking to herself "IM TRAPPED HERE FOREVER!!!" I suggested she could go under it or over it- she considered her options and went under it- disliking very much that it dripped on her hair. 

Once we got back to the beach, we told her to leave her life jacket on and go play. She spent a lot of time watching other kids play and walking half way too them. She couldn't figure out what they were doing in the sand, why they were going in the water on purpose and wondering how she was supposed to play in this sandy landscape. 

I suggested that she could ask the other kids if she could play with them but she was not so interested in that- I taught her all about drizzle sand castles- you have to make them with soaking wet sand so you have to go ankle deep to get the sand.  She constructed a very nice castle, added some sticks, flowers, and rocks for decoration. 

Hopefully, next time will go better and we can get that face in the water, and have a little fun! Because we want to go from this:
 

to this:
 

Sugar Rush- The Hype is Real

It is amazing how real sugar rushes are- truly incredible. On our way to the campground the other day we stopped at Toby's in Hinkley because... you can't just drive by! I got coffee for Roman and I, buttercup made friends with people in the bathroom, and she picked out a strawberry milk "My favorite". We did some stretching, got back into the car and headed out. about the time we hit Grand Casino, roughly 2 miles later we heard the slurpy sound of an empty milk carton. Roman and I looked at each other thinking "buckle up!"



a few minutes later this happened in the back seat:



then this: as we call it "the sounds of your people" (people meaning kids)



and by the time we got to st. croix state park, anything could have been amazing and beautiful!