Pink freak out

Before we met Buttercup, I spent some time cleaning the house and collecting age appropriate things for her room. In the process, I walked into the room, saw the green alligator quilt, and thought to myself "she's going to walk in here and say 'this is a boys room!'" and not want to stay.



Off to target, I went debating with myself the whole time: do I have to have pink things? but it doesn't matter, girls don't have to have pink it's 2018, I don't like pink, do I really have to get pink things? Shes already a tiny person with opinions and likes/dislikes. How can I  make it girlier without pink?



Oh yeah! Purple exists!

I ended up getting a few purple things.

She didn't end up saying it was a boys room, but the purple things match her blanket from home- ill count it as a win. Also, now our house is covered in sequins (yuck), and her favorite color is, you guessed it :

Spicy with Chocolate

I picked up Buttercup from her shelter home- it was much like the scene in Annie when they are in the office at the orphanage and the kids are peaking through the door. Everybody knew Buttercup was leaving, and a few hollered out the window at me from the 2nd floor "Are you gonna be Buttercups family?" it was all quite exciting.



She came with on bag of things, leggings, a few long sleeves, and a blanket. I had been at the store earlier when one of the workers from the shelter called to see when I was coming. I was asking him what she likes, and what kind of clothes she may need, and all of his reactions were on the spectrum of surprise that I was even at the store picking up things for her. It was really nice to have someone to give us a few tips and strategies for comforting Buttercup during this time of transition.

we had a whirlwind of a day, first we went home and put all of our things away, all of the things I got here were met with "I hate that" or "That's Ugly" which, if you have a kid with zero control, the only option is to have a strong opinion, about 20 minutes later it turned into "That's my favorite"

Next, we picked Roman up and went to Mahtomedi for a wienie roast with my cousins and their kids (including a fellow 4 yr old) walking down to the fire Buttercup got very quiet, put her hood on and didn't want to talk to anyone. Cora ran down, determined to be her BFF, and they ended up sitting in the tent and acclimating to all these new people- as well as being in the woods.



As she came out of her shell she learned how fun it is to crack peanuts, cook hot dogs, and eat smores. Also, she decided that root beer tastes like "Spicy with chocolate"- if you think about it, shes pretty right about that!



We went on an adventure in the woods- balancing on logs, finding puffballs, and carrying sticks back to the fire. Everybody had a blast, and everybody was ready for bed! What a great first day!

Apprehensively Excited

Everything is always up in the air, even if there's a plan.

Several possible placements have come and gone since I've last written. In all the research and training we have done and gone through- no one said that waiting would be the most difficult part. Well, here I am telling you: Waiting is the hardest part so far! Knowing cases are being assigned, and there are kids out there, its tough to just sit and wait for a social worker to decide your house is the best place for a kid in need.

After cricket, and the speed at which we needed to find a preschool, or she would be placed elsewhere it's easier to be apprehensive, than excited when we hear about a new placement possibility. As a planner and a do-er, this is really hard!



This week we got a call about a little girl, we will call her Buttercup (after the green power puff girl) who is 4. We had one short visit with her and her social worker. It went well enough to have a second visit. It seems that since she's old enough to know whats going on the emphasis is on her comfort level with us, and her surroundings, which is totally opposite of how Jellybean just got dropped off by a stork.



We will see!

The build up, The Scramble, and The Let Down

Its been a draining week at the Fiamovi house. There was a very short roller coaster of a timeline that we rode, and ultimately didn't end up as Cricket's foster parents.

Thursday
We learned Cricket existed, and asked to be referred to her social worker

Friday
4:45pm: Crickets social worker called to ask more about us and set up a "Trial Overnight" right before the government work week ends
4:50pm: I contacted Cricket's current foster home to set up the overnight for Super Bowl Sunday
6:00pm: I discovered that Cricket didn't have a spot at the preschool we previously used because she was younger than Jellybean- commence panic! not being able to accept a placement because of preschool would not feel great



Saturday
Not wanting to panic until Monday, when preschools are open,  I diligently sat down and emailed every government approved preschool within 10 miles of our house, and my work. now just to wait.....

We went to get a bed railing since cricket usually sleeps in a crib and we don't have one. We of course also started looking at clothes and toys thinking about how excited we were to start a new adventure with a new kid and wondering how different it would be from having Jellybean, and how we miss Jellybean too.

Sunday- Monday
Pick up Cricket, experiment with toys to figure out what she likes and doesn't like. We felt relieved because she was such an easy kid, we stayed up talking about how she looked like me as a kid, and how much fun it is going to be to have a girl in the house- and how much quieter it is.

Preschool watch: a most of my responses were "no we don't have space" there were two that stood out to me because they read more like "WOMAN! are you crazy!??? there's a 2 year waiting list"  (both written by men) which wasn't the best vibe to get while i spent the day bonding with Cricket. One, I know its a long shot, and Two I mentioned that the placement was a foster child and there's no way I could have planned for this day or child two years ago thankyouverymuch.

Tuesday
Roman emailed the schools that had not responded to us yet- now we were getting desperate because we knew that the Social worker would have to move on if we didn't hear anything soon

4:50pm We find a spot at a preschool, and immediately text the social worker that we can take her!
Roman and I spent the rest of the night being excited and planning the short term future!
Wednesday
I got a call while I was at work. The social worker felt so bad- she had found another home for Cricket minutes before we texted her about finding a preschool.  So, Cricket wont be living with us. what a bummer.

Back to the waiting game- we have been waiting to hear about three other placements for a few weeks maybe one of those will finally come through- and now we have a better idea of which preschools have openings near us, there were multiple, just late respond-ers

Trial Overnight

For most, it was Superbowl Sunday, but for us, it was a day we had a trial overnight with a new possible placement. We will call her Cricket here. She will be two in the spring and is very quiet and shy with big ol' eyes that see the world as a deer in the headlights.

She was quiet the whole ride home and was just fine meeting the dogs, She doesn't seem to like them in her face, unfortunately, they are all three the same size. Much to Roman's delight, she walked in and picked out a car to play with. He had been agonizing about how to play with a girl and if he would have to have a tea party- guess all that worrying was for naught. Although, I think he'd be good company at a tea party. Cricket really bonded with Roman, there were lots of cheerful squeaks and giggles to most things he did, and she watched a movie in his lap with her hand in his beard the whole time. so cute.


Bedtime was fairly easy for trying to put a stranger to bed in a strange room. Cricket normally sleeps in a crib, but with the railing we got, and all the quilts, she didn't even try to escape. She slept great! Both of us, on the other hand, stayed awake flinching at every unusual sound waiting for her to wake up crying. she coughed quite a bit but slept all the way through the night without a peep.



In the morning we dropped Roman off at work and headed to the zoo. She was really content with just walking around and was only mesmerized by certain things- the waterfall in the conservatory, frogs, and the tropical fish. We did get lucky enough to see the polar bear up close and personal. He was trying to break the barrel.

After lunch and nap, we drove to drop her back off with her social worker. The worker was running late so I didn't get to interrogate her with all my questions of what happens next, I guess we will have to see!

Waiting and Saying "No"

We are back to the placement waiting game- my least favorite part of the process. Good thing Roman is around to give honest answers and ask good questions about placements because I pretty much read the descriptions and think "why the hell not! send that kid over here!"



It feels weird and bad to say no to placements- through its good to be picky about who to let in your family, and what would benefit us in the long run- it feels icky to say no.

Things one might say no too:
- someone who is too young
- an overly complicated case with many over-involved adults
- grouped siblings
- situations that sound like they are looking for a sitter for a few weeks- not a family to be a part of

Officially Foster Parents

Jellybean has left the nest- giving us official foster parent status. We sent our first one back to his family- he got to go home. All we can do now is send prayers, good juju, and thoughts to him and his family, and hope we don't see him ever again.

the most important things: the firetruck for car rides, and penguin for bedtime

We did get to put a caveat in his file that if he does come back into the system (which we hope he does not) then we will get notified and he can be placed with us again. Now, we get a few days break, and then clean up prepare for a new bundle (or rather - small tornado) of joy to come into our house.

Saying goodbye was not as difficult as I thought it would be. The closest I came to bursting into tears was when I was talking to his beloved preschool teacher. Both of us are just concerned about his future and trying not to assume the worst. Packing up his stuff was kind of fun. Even though he was only with us for 5 months he grew a lot and went from having one target bag of possessions, to several favorite books, cars, stuffed animals, too small clothes, and clothes to grow into.

Roman and I had a great time going through all the pictures and videos of Jellybean. On his last day I took a lot of videos and for some reason, Roman was surprised that there was a 4-minute slow-motion video if jellybean eating oatmeal. If you have ever seen Jellybean eat you know its pretty hilarious. I laughed my butt off watching him try and take those big bites over and over.

On to the next adventure!

He got his lungs back!

This reindeer sings and tells jokes about the John. it has a button, but it also has motion sensors. shortly after the strep epidemic at our house someone got his lungs back.

Usually, we use the reindeer as a reward for brushing teeth (which is a whole other screamfest) but this particular time he was screaming because the deer was acting on its own! It took a while to convince him I wasn't pushing the button for him- the deer was just watching him brush his teeth and would sing when he was doing a good job.

Happy National Adoption Day!

Each year, there are more than 20,000 U.S.-based infants who are placed for adoption.

Today there are 1,601 kids in the foster care system in Hennepin County, and 127 kids waiting to be adopted. Click here for more info- heart strings warning- there are pictures of the kids available to be adopted. 

It's easier to adopt from U.S. foster care than internationally 

It takes about a year to adopt a child from the United States foster care system, ranging between 79 days and 2 years. Most adoptions from foster care have no financial cost to the adoptive family while international adoption can cost $60,000+.

Not all children in foster care have special needs.

The majority of children in foster care are children who have been removed from their families due to abuse or neglect. A child whose file has been classified as “special needs” may qualify for adoption assistance due to specific factors such as: being an older child, being part of a sibling group needing to be placed together as one unit, medical conditions, and physical, mental, or emotional disabilities. A child considered to have special needs should not be confused with a child who requires special educational resources.

You CAN love an adoptive child just as much as a biological child.

Many prospective adoptive parents are influenced by this fear/myth. The truth that is testified to over and over again after adopting, is that you can and do love an adopted child just as much as a biological child. The love for your children is not a matter of blood; it is a matter of love.

 “Common Myths.” Adoptuskids.org AdoptUSKids. Web. 24 Oct 2013. http://www.adoptuskids.org/for-families/how-to-adopt/common-myths-about-adoption. Source: These statistics came from the the most recent adoption and foster care statistics from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families Adoption and Foster Care Analysis Reporting System

Anticipation

Maybe this is normal to parenting- but I feel like I live in a constant state of anticipation.


First, wired by society- anticipating the weekend and the end of the work week. Except now that jellybean has weekend visits I just feel rushed to the weekend via the symphony of screaming and Friday afternoon Minneapolis traffic. With Roman working weekends as well, its just anticipating being alone for two days- which is just not what I had planned on happening at the beginning of this strange adventure.

Then I spend the weekend anticipating Sunday night pickup (after all the laundry is done)! Wondering what version of this child I will be receiving today. How crabby, tired, full of junk food, or sick will he be? Will he be wearing the correct size clothes?



Add in court dates and that is a whole other level of anticipating. No one knows anything beforehand about what is actually going to be decided or discussed or asked in court. For our most recent court date I was convinced in my head that jellybean was going home- But, as it turns out we have a little bit more time with him- how much time, no one knows but I am appreciative of the time we do have.

"All Dum" the double edge sword

"All dum" was one of jellybean's first phrases he learned at our house. At first, the reaction was always something like "oh, good job!" or "you are all done!" or "one more bite".  Soon after these pleasant exchanges he figured out how to unbuckle himself from his booster seat - and set himself free with sticky hands to conquer the living room.



Now when we hear "all dum" it's basically a rush to grab a washcloth and grab him before he gets too far. Or sometimes the reaction is more [internally] you didn't even take a bite you cant possibly be all done!!! Or, if he says this in the car during rush hour [internally] oh, it would be just lovely to be all done, but alas - we have at least 20 minutes left, please don't start screaming!



Its rumored that parenting is a learn as you go type of experience so let me tell you what I've learned! Buckles are important! get the ones that they need a lot of thumb strength to do so you can have peace of mind to step out of the room for 5 seconds- you know, to change the laundry, or pee or something.

Halloween!

Halloween, like new years, is usually a little bit of a let down- there is so much anticipation- but nothing goes as planned!

I spent two weekends working on this firetruck for Jellybean, and Roman's house on fire. I learned that duct tape isn't as magical as people think! (gasp!) I had a lot of trouble with the tape not sticking to the cardboard, and spray paint. I didn't put enough thought into how to attach these things to their persons, so I ended up slapping straps on at the last minute. With Jellybeans  the truck ended up being too front heavy to walk around. However, he was ecstatic just to have a new toy truck to play with- the ladder is the favorite part.

Me (fire hydrant) Roman (house on fire), Jake (match), Hannah (mad scientist), Neighbor Kids (power rangers) Jellybean (fireman)

complete with working lights, steering wheel, and ladder

Since it was the coldest Halloween since 2006, we just went to the Hopkins police station and one house for trick-or-treating. even this abbreviated trip ended with a fireman down! in the middle of the street. crying. Too bad it didn't blizzard-like '91- a toboggan would have made a big difference!

Halloween 1991- Bug costumes made by mom, dad as the exterminator

Jellybean did enjoy playing with glowsticks and answering the door for other kids. Uncle Jake fed him skittles one at a time. Overall it was a pretty good family night! the trick or treating part is just a little out of reach for our two years old!

Love

It's really weird telling a stranger "I love you".  Even when that stranger is a bright-eyed chubby cheeked little face who lives in your house.

Of course kids, especially in the foster system, need to hear this every day. This ritual starts out feeling forced, and the day it just flies out of your mouth naturally surprising even yourself. Changing your perspective about love can make it feel less rigid. The super cliche wedding scripture lists out what love is:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1Corinthians 13:4-8

Patient, kind, protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres- These descriptors of love are not innately feelings. As humans, we choose to be patient- that one really isn't a natural thing at least as I have experienced patience, we choose to protect our kids, we choose to endure their tantrums, we choose to persevere through rough days, and we choose to hope for their future- whether its in our home, or another home.

In looking at love this way, it's easy to see that the second Jellybean stepped into our house, we loved him-We hope for his future, we struggle with him through his bad days and feelings, we do our best to protect him.