Emo Poetry

The leaves, the sky, the clouds, the air
OH, the humanity!
swwwiiiing swwwiiiing swwwiiiing.
Everything is dark and gray
when my parents won't let me play!
The swings they call to me
echoing through the crisp fall air
swwwiiiing swwwiiiing swwwiiiing.
One day we will be together again- but now my heart weeps.

                                                         -Jellybean

Weekend Drop Off

It's raining again
stuck in traffic again
are you crabby because we are in the car?
or because you know where we are going again.
keep singing twinkle twinkle twinkle, little star.
or listen to this book of tales from afar.

It's raining again
you will be visiting mom again
your little world is really quite confusing
when will be with your family again?
home...abstract to you possibly not even  really computing
this situation stinks, and is neither of our choosing.

Guardian Ad Litem

This week Jellybean met his Guardian Ad Litem (GAL). This is a person assigned to him through the courts to be an objective observer within the court system for the best interest of the child. They meet the foster parents, birth parents, and spend time once a month with the child. I imagine that it's more helpful and important to spend time with the child when they are able to talk about their experiences, but maybe they also read minds?

His GAL is a Gal, a trained volunteer. She will observe compile, and make suggestions to the court when decisions are being made there. Roman met her while I was at work- I'm so jealous!

This is Halloween! Everybody Make a Scene!

Since Jellybean has weekend visits now, we decided it would be a fun Friday night date to drink wine and clean the house. I put on a Halloween mix and we got out the box of decorations! Nothing like opening up a box of rubber bugs and eyeballs!

When he returned from the weekend we were eating dinner when he discovered the skeleton on the ceiling. He pointed and babbled something - then I pointed out another one on the other side of the room and he said "OOOh ho ho hoooo!" and started looking for them all over the house.

I switched out some toys and books to make them Halloween themed, and gave him a little dress up box. Needless to say- he is ready now:

Pockets

It seems like my main job is holding things. The last bite of snack Jellybean wants to save for later, whatever coveted toy is around, any kind of interesting treasure from the walk (pinecone, acorns etc), and stuff I confiscated from the dogs.



I was waiting for my coffee order to be ready one day- I had already written my answer to the question of the day on the chalkboard, and I reached into my pocket. Feeling a foreign object I pulled the items out laughing to myself - oh yeah! a plastic giraffe and a stick. totally normal. I realized the high school student next to me was watching and had the best look on his face.


Dear high school kid- why not? it definitely could have been something grosser.

whats the best, or weirdest, thing you've ever found in your pocket?

Weekend Visits

Due to a glitch in the paperwork (or something like that), I found out Friday afternoon that Jellybean will be having full weekend visits. So Jellybean will be with his mom in an inpatient care facility Friday through Sunday.



Talking to Roman about it - because I was not happy- he offered to call the judge that ruled this order and explain to him that he took away all my fun days!!! We were exposing him to so many new experiences that he wouldn't have otherwise. He also is loosing out on the family experience on both ends because I see pieces of my family every weekend, and he is trapped in an inpatient facility which is neither his home or his regular family.



I spent the weekend mourning the loss of all the activities I looked forward to doing with him like family movie night at church, the fire station open house, Hopkins Halloween fest, visiting jakes coffee shop, going to the farmers market, zoo days, apple orchard adventures.... all of it. While doing all this in my head, I was in project mode, cleaning up the house and finishing projects that should have been done a while ago. With my mom's help, we finished one quilt and put together another, Roman and I put some high shelves up for a place to hide non- kid "toys", and there was the Czech Slovak festival- which I was looking forward to bringing a certain jelly bean too...



I also worried a lot about pickup, and after visit behaviors. If it takes him the rest of the evening to calm down from a 3 hr visit, what is it going to look like when he has a whole weekend to recover from?

At pickup, he was happy to see me and left peacefully. It turned out he was the happy little guy he usually is- just with extra tired bags under his eyes, a belly full of snacks (not meals), and glad to have all his trucks to himself. I got extra cuddles and I felt so much better that he was in our house again.

So... This Is Parenting?!

We stayed 5 minutes too late, Jellybean was screaming in his car seat completely inconsolable. Windows down, bass cranked, I was banging on the car - using it as a drum, and making up a song about how Jellybean is so hungry he could eat a dinosaur, a monster, and whatever else I could come up with to rhyme. Roman was laughing hysterically at my bad poetry and weird song. I thought to myself - if anyone we knew saw us it would be pretty funny! The 3-minute car ride seemed to take forever and we laughed to ourselves - So, this is parenting?!



We tend to say this a lot since instant parenthood is such a weird thing you have to just break it down into moments. Some moments are hilarious, some are heartwarming and some- you just have to survive! Here are some examples:

Experienced:

• Running with the stroller through the rain at the zoo so you can make it in time for the penguin feeding. 
• Family snuggle time watching a movie-suddenly I have tiny fingers in my nose and I hear a new word- "nose" yes little mister, that IS my nose. 
• Sitting in a puddle in view of the playground screaming because the playground is too far away

Observed: 

• A dad with two kids on bikes at the park "WE are done with the bikes. WE are running away. WE are whining. WE are done." 
• Any screaming kid at target
• The dad at the pizza place who commented the slice was bigger than his daughters head- and she decided to put the pizza on her head to test his theory. 

What are your favorite "So... this is parenting!?" moments? 

Birthdays!

This week we got to celebrate our first kid birthday! Jellybean turned two! He already learned the words "No" and "Mine" so I think we are set for those terrible twos to kick into high gear.


We started off the day with a trip to the dog park. He loves it. he chases all the dogs, and gets out so much energy. He even got slobbered on by a 140 lb Bernese Mountain Dog. Don't worry though, Fred and Millie (corgi mixes) came and barked at him and he flipped right over on the ground to surrender. Jellybean also made friends with some golden doodles, and sang with some beagles.

The next adventure was the zoo! we went to the Minnesota Zoo, and it was not crowded at all so we got to see  a lot more things. Jellybean pet 2 snakes, a giant centipede, and a shark, we also watched the otters play, penguins get fed and swim, and the monk seal show. It was raining so we didn't do the full outside loop.

 He also got to have a visit with his Mom on his birthday- very busy and tiring day for him! He fell asleep like a rock a soon as he got in bed.

Things Can Change Quickly

We initially agreed to take in Jellybean for about a month. the past week Has been week 4 of him living in our house - so as a planner, I began trying to prepare my mind and my heart to send him back to his home within the next few weeks. I didn't know how much this was weighing on me until I got a call from his social worker yesterday.

Without divulging  too much of his case- apparently this is not Jellybean's Mom's first rodeo, so the social worker is hesitant to send jellybean back to early- having to remove him again, causing more trauma. Since he is doing so well in our care, she decided that he will be staying with us until at least Mid- November.

I am so glad! Not only do we love having him in our lives, but he is doing so well. He is becoming independent, developing his speech, and I think he has a lot more learning opportunities with us than he would at home. In short- he isn't ready to leave, nor am I ready (I realize I probably will never be ready for him to go- but now I can procrastinate those feelings!)

Now we know we get to do Halloween! I have SO many ideas! What are your halloween ideas  so far? YES I realized its only September but Halloween is fun!

Five Reasons Visits Are Weird

1. How much or how little do you share?
I want to tell her all the progress Jellybean is making with his speech and his independence, how he is doing in daycare, what healthy foods he eats etc. Since he can't really share anything with her, I feel like I should be his voice- but I also don't want to come off snobby or make her feel inferior in any way. We are all here to care for this sweet kid- and do our best by him.

2. Everyone thinks you know something they don't
I have a limited knowledge of Jellybeans' case. Like I've said before, the stork came, dropped off a kid, and now he lives with us. For how long? I don't know. What does the case worker say? I don't know. When will mom get overnight visits? I don't know. I am in a blind spot- I don't know moms side of the story, and I also don't know what the case worker thinks about when things will start progressing for Jellybean's transition home.

3. All the Judging
I feel like I am being judged on everything- every toddler scratch, bruise, and outfit choice. Simultaneously I am sure she feels judgment from me as well and I don't know how to break this tension. I can't imagine being in her shoes.

4. Acknowledging everyone's pain
Moms, Jellybean's, step siblings, the boyfriend. everyone.

5. After visit behaviors
We have noticed that right after visits, and sometimes right before if we talk about what is going to happen, there is a lot of hitting that happens. This isn't normal behavior for daycare, or at our house. I also have seen Jellybean hit mom right after drop off. I'm not sure where this comes from because usually, he is so sweet and funny- its always right in the face, and followed by a glasses grab- good thing Roman is so good at cleaning glasses.

Button Pushing Gadget Freak

Are all toddlers this tactile and manic?


Really, every thing that has a button, lever, screw top, or makes noise he has to touch

We got to take advantage of all the buttons, steering, and keyhole on this train on Monday. Roman and I both had the day off so we went to Minnetonka Orchards. It was awesome! there is a petting zoo, a hay bale mountain, a train pulled by a tractor, and an apple sling shot. Jellybean had a great time chasing the bunny, chickens, and we even pet a baby cow! The train was the best though, each kid got a little train car with a steering wheel and a key and buttons and a horn, we went over a bridge and through a tunnel. It was really fun- I highly recommend it.

King Roman

Roman earned his crown this week, not just from me but also from the checkout people at the grocery store. They told him that he is the first one ever to buy all the right things on their first WIC endeavor. I was not surprised because... as you know Roman is a fan of rules, and following directions precisely and other things that are too time consuming to care about. When the lady at Hennipen County was explaining how to use Jellybeans WIC vouchers for food I was thinking to myself- man I hope Roman can read all this cause it's complicated and over my head and I stopped listening a while ago. Luckily he was the perfect one for the job!

The Bedtime Queen crown has also been shattered, it only lasted the first few days anyway. Apparently, everything  I do is hilarious and a game to Jellybean, so Roman has to step in and has been winning bedtime for the past 4 days. I don't know what I am doing thats so hilarious.... I just sit outside his door and tell him to get back into bed. Is there a joke in there that I'm not getting? Thus, I pass the crown to Roman!

Yes, I AM a crazy person!

I try to keep this all under wraps, but its so much harder to hide now! I have a whole planner just for Jellybean. I use it both to keep track of things we need to do, visits, words he says, and as a journal to see how many days it takes him to calm down after a visit with M-O-M (2 days if you were wondering).



The REAL crazy comes out when I have downtime at work with only excel and the internet to entertain me- lets face it the internet isn't all that entertaining. Also, we have to maximize our family time because rarely do Roman and I both have a day off, thus:

I think we are going to go with the Minnetonka orchards. Suggestions welcome, and yes its color coded by price :D